When new students, starry-eyed and dumbstruck, walk onto a new campus grounds, he or she gets the grand tour because they represent America’s most prudent investment; these will be her future leaders and her budding cash cows. Already attending students (wishing to mitigate the expenses of last semester’s used books and shrink the expense of next semester’s preordained stack of used books) chaperon gaggles of youthful, doe-eyed recruits by the towering sports facilities, across the well-kept grounds, and strategically skirt the cobbled buildings of historical import in the Sisyphean hopes of aspiring the newest wave of the would be learned. When the electronic chime rings out from the campus belfry, another queue of new students hurriedly assemble outside the auditorium and anxiously await their personalized guided tour.
Mother’s sign up their children to these institutions in hopes that their child will benefit from an encompassing education. At a state sponsored college, parents drop an average of $7,000 a semester in hopes of seeing their progeny gain the best education that their state taxes have to offer -- even if a large portion of this seemingly sound investment will be erroneously squandered on honing the subtle artistry of beer pong. Nevertheless, certain standards have to be adhered to. Every incoming student will be required to take a mandatory amount of math, writing, geography, physical health, computing, and a touch of a science. On top of receiving the aforementioned scholarly and honorable pursuits, each new student should also have a copy of "Here Comes Everyone" by Chris Shirky shoved into their hipsters backpack.
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